PornographyStudent: Teacher, what is ‘pornography’?Teacher: Er, it’s pictures of naked people.Student: Do you mean like paintings?Teacher: Er, not really.Student (smelling blood now): So, what is the difference?Teacher: … Why don’t you ask Michel? He was looking at some on one of the student [...]]]> My explanatory guide on subjects to be avoided at all costs in ELT materials.

Pornography
Student: Teacher, what is ‘pornography’?
Teacher: Er, it’s pictures of naked people.
Student: Do you mean like paintings?
Teacher: Er, not really.
Student (smelling blood now): So, what is the difference?
Teacher: … Why don’t you ask Michel? He was looking at some on one of the student lounge computers just this morning.

Alcohol
Qatari education minister: So, you want to supply my country with your English books?
Publisher: That’s right. We have some top-quality authors and our books have won awards from the British Council.
Qatari education minister: What is this picture on page 55?
Publisher: Oh, that… That’s just … some young people, at a party, sipping … non-alcoholic cocktails?
Qatari education minister: Next!

Racism
Teacher: Today we’re going to discuss racism. Anyone have any stories they’d like to share?
Student: My sister was beaten to death by white supremacists.
Teacher: On second thoughts, let’s turn to the grammar section on page 11.

Sex
Teacher: Today we’re going to talk about sex. Perhaps those of you I’ve already slept with could get into pairs and give me a score out of five. The rest of you should line up in the corridor outside the storeroom.

Narcotics
Teacher: Class, let’s talk about drugs, and the evil they do to our society.
Student: Carlos sells the best weed. Honestly, you should try some.
Carlos: Yeah, anyone not have my number?

Islam
Teacher: So what do we know about the ancient religion of Islam?
Chinese student: Muslims are all terrorists and women-haters.
Muslim student: Chinese people eat dogs and babies!
Italian student: Who wants to hear a joke about 9/11?

Pork
Qatari education minister: Ah, I see you have chosen some more appropriate pictures for your textbooks this year.
Publisher: Yes, we spent a lot of money checking and then reprinting the series to remove all possible connotations of sexual behaviour or alcohol consumption. I think you’ll be delighted with the results.
Qatari education minister: What is this picture here, on page 121?
Publisher: It … appears to be a young man … enjoying a … bacon sandwich… I’ll get my coat.

Things I have had to think about this week:

-Spontaneous Human Combustion: it can kill [...]]]> …about working in the English Language Teaching (ELT) industry is that you have an excuse to research and write about almost every subject under the sun (apart from those that fall under the PARSNIP exceptions, of which perhaps another post at another time).

Things I have had to think about this week:

-Spontaneous Human Combustion: it can kill your pets by consuming all the oxygen in the room.
-Ways to describe an electric toothbrush shaped like a banana.
-Knowledge management – will companies invest in it less during times of economic crisis?
-How to explain to Chinese students why English people use the term ‘skin and blister’ to refer to a female sibling.
-Will students be able to label a diagram of decubitus ulcers?
-The subjunctive.

I love my job.