Somewhat like yourself, she’s come to the conclusion, perhaps subconsciously, that for her happiness isn’t a right, but something that she works at. Consequently, she’s developed coping mechanisms that allow her to take get that fucking dog to go chasing after a stick instead of sitting on her chest, licking her face. She’s pro-medication, but also she exercises – a lot – as this seems to really help. Her notion that happiness is process and her ability to do all of this and remain sanguine about it is one of the things that I love and admire about her.

I think he is talking about vitamin pills against colds?

It is a great book and I recommend it but that epiphany moment is buried under stuff about improving memory, magic, Derren’s late adolescence and a discussion about why the London Aquarium has Braille signs.

I think that “depression” is probably a word that covers a wide and disparate collection of symptoms that are only all bundled together under one word because we don’t currently understand enough about them. Anyway – thank you Kirsten, you’re one of the bravest people I know.

Valerie: I think/hope you are right. Guess only time will tell.

So I guess my point is that I learned to deal with things better than I thought I could. They don’t go away, but my ability to deal with them has changed. It sounds to me like you’re saying the same thing about yourself.

A turning point for me was reading Derren Brown’s book where he is talking about sickness and he comments that wellness is not our natural state. Sometimes we are sick, sometimes we are well.

Though, that said, depression is rubbish and I hope it lessens in your life.

Valerie: I admire you, I really do. I know you have sinus problems some of the time, and when I can’t breathe properly I honestly think I’m going to go insane – can’t sleep without nasty decongestant sprays, can’t lie down for fear that I’m going to suffocate. I guess you must have powerful methods of keeping yourself going under such circumstances.

Anonymous: I think in the UK targets and lack of time have castrated doctors (malpractice suits less scary over here because of strong public policy against defensive practice). I’ve noticed over the years that doctors tend to hand over pills and then send the patient away with the expectation that the pills will ‘cure’ them. They don’t mention that pills might not completely cure the problem, or that they have side effects of their own. Patients have to find this out themselves, rather than being prepped for it. We need to get better at giving bad news and dealing with it.

I think so. Malpractice suits in the US have castrated doctors. People expect cures that don’t leave scars, come in a bottle, and have immediate results. We hide our own problems so well but for whatever reason don’t recognize that others do the same and expect their standard of “health and normalcy.”

On the other end I wonder about the new defects. Are they new and why? The panic attacks, peanut allergies, online addictions…sometimes it feels like the number of possible ailments is so great in order to dissuade us from caring about one lest we care about them all.

I’ve had poor health my whole life, and have struggled with my attitude about it, ranging from despair to denial. At the moment I’ve got some sense of balance, probably for similar reasons to those you suggest to your mom — I’ve found a mental space where I recognize that I’m dealing with some misery right now, but that not every moment is misery, and that I can enjoy some of my time. And though it’s not what I want, it’s enough to keep me from the abyss. For now.